I've been trying to get in better shape, but it's not easy.
A recent government study found that 80% of Americans don't get the recommended amount of exercise. To find out why . . . here are the Top Excuses for Not Working Out.
Your philosophy is "No pain, no . . . PAIN."
Why bother when obesity counts as a pre-existing condition under Obamacare?
Screw it . . . McDonald's has chicken wings now!
You were kicked out of the Y for accidentally walking into the women's locker room . . . 9 times in one week.
The gym makes you go outside to smoke.
Who needs a treadmill when you're already going nowhere in LIFE?
Yoga looks gay. Whereas having the physique of a doughy gorilla looks awesome.
You always lose sweatbands in your head fat.
You don't know if any of that fitness equipment was licked by Miley Cyrus.
(CAREFUL) Being around that many buff, sweaty men is your one-way ticket to Boner City.
Who needs free weights when you've got steroids?
And lose your spot in line for the new iPad 5 . . . S . . . or C . . . or air . . . or whatever it's called? No way!
The same reason you don't do anything else: you're a lazy bastard.
Like everyone else in America, you get all the exercise you need furiously waddling after the ice cream truck.
You were planning to start doing Pilates. But then you remembered an important fact: You're straight.
You gave up your gym membership, because the locker room didn't have NEARLY enough wrinkly old dudes walking around buck naked for your liking.
La-Z-Boy just informed you they're seriously considering naming their newest recliner after you.
Gwyneth Paltrow works out all the time . . . and she seems awful.
The only reason you got married is so you could start letting yourself go.
Other than feeling better, looking better, and living longer, what's in it for you?
You've decided to go as slutty Jabba the Hutt this Halloween.
The gym is two blocks away, but the Taco Bell is just one block away.
Your gym went out of business and was replaced by a Cinnabon.
You get all the exercise you need using the remote to switch between "Duck Dynasty" and "Tosh.0".
You actually want to get on the treadmill you got last Christmas . . . but you can't find it under that mountain of dirty clothes.
You've set up your own home gym that you call "0 Hour Fitness."