It's Tools Time

Wease is having some oral surgery this morning, so we're happy to have our buddy John Ditullio sitting in, helping us thru the morning.

Are there TV shows that you and your significant other have to watch as a couple?  John finds out he's the only one of us that doesn't share a show he has to wait to watch.

Last time John sat in with us Marianne made fun of the Ditullio rock garden, but now admits she's gone crazy and is making a "fairy garden" in the woods behind her parents house. 

Tools went to a funeral yesterday, and now wishes he had gone into the funeral home business with all the money they make.  Is there a way to talk to an older person about their funeral without being insensitive?  Find out if they have anything they'd like or not like to happen.  Pauly has talked to his grandpa about it. but John hasn't had that conversation with his mom.


Two stories out of Buffalo Bills camp...

- The Bills longest tenured player, kicker Ryan Lindell has been cut after 10 years.  Rookie Dustin Hopkins has beat him out at training camp.

Linebacker Nigel Bradham was pulled over in Tonawanda, New York (10 miles north of Buffalo) and charged with marijuana possession. He wasn't arrested. (Possession of 25 grams or less is decriminalized in New York State.)

Police stopped the second-year Buffalo Bill defender at 2 am Monday on Sheridan Dr. for having tinted windows. The smell of marijuana led to Bradham opening the glove compartment and handing over a Baggie containing cannabis. However, it wasn't enough to warrant being arrested. Bradham was issued tickets for the marijuana and windows.

This leads to a debate of window tint, why you would need it, and the reasons the tint law exists.

Marianne talks about her lack of interest in sports (she just learned who EJ Manuel is), but is able to spout off enough cliches to fake interest.  We play a little game where we name a city, and Ms. Sierk has to name the team, and doesn't do too bad.

In the feelgood story of the day, a 12 year old boy has been signed to an NFL contract.  Get teary eyed with this video...

Redneck News

On Wednesday about 5:00 a.m., deputies said they responded to a report of a woman who had been abducted in Fort Myers at gunpoint by a man and a woman.

After the abducted woman, identified as Ashley Bernice Ortiz Del Valle, had been transported to a hospital, a detective visited her there to get a detailed statement as to what had occurred, according to an arrest affidavit from the Lee County Sheriff's Office.

Here are some details from her arrest report:
The 28-year-old Lehigh Acres woman told the investigator that, on Tuesday afternoon, she had planned to make a bank deposit before going to work, but changed her mind because she was running late.

After working until 1:20 a.m.,  Ortiz Del Valle said she decided to make that bank deposit, but then changed her mind and turned around to head home. While at a stop sign, as she lit a cigarette, a man and a woman wearing beanies to conceal their faces, opened an unlocked door on the passenger's side and slid into her car while holding a gun to her head.

The couple, she told the investigator, made her swallow two pills, stole her jewelry and then forced her to drive. But somehow she managed to pepper spray the duo and make a getaway on foot, despite the woman's attempt to stop her by holding her down and striking her in the face, the arrest report stated.

Ortiz Del Valle also stated that, after hiding in a tree line, she returned to her abandoned car about three hours later, grabbed her cellphone and called her hubby, according to the affidavit.

That was her story and she was sticking to it.

However, a forensic exam of her vehicle yielded results that were inconsistent with her story.

A bank receipt dated August 13 at 3:45 p.m. was found in the car, even though she had previously denied visiting the bank.

Also, a commonly occurring shadow from the pepper spray was missing from the interior passenger's door. This silhouette happens because the person, not the door, absorbs or blocks the spray, which technicians found all over the door, according to the Sheriff's Office.

And items she had claimed were stolen were reportedly later found inside her car.

Finally, Ortiz Del Valle's employer allegedly told investigators that she hadn't been to work at all that evening.

After being further questioned by detectives, who disclosed the inconsistencies in her tall tale, Ortiz Del Valle then changed het timeline as well as the location where the abduction had occured, investigators said.

In short, they weren't buying her story.

Not a word of it.

Eventually, she 'fessed up telling a big fib because she had mistakenly thought her hubby would come to the scene to check on her and wouldn't call 911.

She was wrong.

So, Ortiz Del Valle stated, she staged the scene and gave herself a self-inflicted bruised eye because she feared his reaction if she were caught in a lie, according to the report.

Hmm ... wonder were she was all those hours?

Ronda Beckman, 46, is accused of getting drunk and exposing her breasts -- and refusing to put her shirt back on -- while dancing at a Fort Pierce bar, reports Will Greenlee in his Off the Beat blog for in Stuart.

While being transported to the slammer, Beckman babbled, reportedly telling officers, "It's breast time, I'll take everything off. I am getting arrested for indecent exposure! I'll give you something to look at baby!" the woman is quoted as hollering. "I'll take everything off! Oh, yes, baby I'll take it all off OK," according to her arrest report.

Now it's jail time for Beckman.

Would you bang this chick?  Do you think she has a good body and a butterface?  Do you think she has a sexy voice?

Ways Women Can Please Men

There are a bunch of books from the 1950s telling women how to have a great marriage.  Only their advice sucks.  Check out this list guaranteed to piss off your wife . . .



1.  Don't Talk.  If there's anything women love, it's being told to be quiet.  But 1950s guys advise them not to mention their own thoughts.  Because that's "nagging."  Instead, be a good listener.  And if you DO talk, stroke your man's ego.



2.  Be a good cook . . . or else your man will hit up the "saloons."   A woman should be more then, quote, "a mere can opener."  So give your man the best cut of steak and put out the fancy tablecloth.  Otherwise he'll stop coming home for dinner.



3.  Don't crave sex.  If you do, then you're a, quote, "sexual vampire" who "feasts on your husband's life force."  If you don't want sex, that's fine . . . but you still have to have it.  Because HE wants it.



4.   Wear pink panties.  Make sure they're lacy with ruffles, and, quote "spotlessly clean."



5.  Let him cheat.  And apply rule number one . . . don't talk about it.  In fact, don't even let him know you know, because that's nagging.



6.  Remember who's boss.

Shari Smith News

Shari Smith returns from vacation to fill in for a vacationing Doug Emblidge.

- Spider-Man Spotted In Rochester Again

- New Info On Weekend Violence

- Details Of President Obama Tour

- Lebron's Recent Police Escort Under Investigation

Speaking of Lebron, Pauly brings up that this morning he accidentally wore a Lebron tshirt that was in his dresser... he thought he had packed them all away, and didn't realize what he had on until 5:30am shen he was already here.

Turn Offs

Once you've passed age 23 or so, the mental side of sex becomes just as important as the physical side.  Just mashing genitalia isn't enough anymore . . . your MIND has to be into it too.  And little things can ruin that mood SO quickly.



Here's a list of the top seven turn-offs before, during, and after sex, courtesy of a discussion yesterday on  Check 'em out . . .



1.  Hearing ORDERS . . . like "harder" or "finish NOW."  I guess orders are harsh, but who hasn't had a little "coaching" from time to time.


2.  Someone passing gas.  (Or even accidentally letting something ELSE out the back door.  Supposedly it happens more often than you'd think?  Just ask Pauly.) 


3.  The other person checking the time or using their phone.


4.  When someone's SWEAT falls on you.... actually, this is kind of sexy... isn't it?


5.  Talking about birth control, the morning after pill, or your feelings about abortion.  That stuff all needs to be covered BEFORE you get down to business.


6.  Horrible odors.  From breath to genitalia.


7.  Having the TV on, showing a comedy.  If you find yourself listening to the TV instead of focusing, the laugh track and lame jokes kill the mood.

Here a little something to put you in the mood...

Bonus Content... Baseball Babes