Butt Wipes Part 2

Tools sitting in for Wease again, while Wease is at the I Heart Radio Music Fest in Vegas.

Yesterday we did a set discussing the use of wipes to clean yourself after using the bathroom, and other toilet details.  John said he never used wipes, and didn't understand why people did.  This morning when John went to his car someone had left a box of wipes for him.

Also from yesterday, the Dirty Dancing debate continues.  We'll be speaking to film critic Marshall Fine later, and asking him if he thinks Dirty Dancing is a good movie.  Marianne and Brooksie say "yes"... Tools, Pauly, and Billy say "no"... losers gets breakfast.

Tools With Sports

Kansas City Chiefs coach Andy Reid was victorious in his return to Philadelphia, beating the Eagles 26-16.  Reid got a great reaction from the notoriously tough Philly fans.

The trade of RB Trent Richardson from the Browns to the Colts gets weirder... Trent found out about it from a buddy that heard it on the radio.  This reminds Billy of the time a comedian on Wease's show found out he was fired as the commercial spokesperson for Zima from something a listener read.

The tragic story of the day... The younger brother of New York Giants coach Tom Coughlin, the racehorse trainer John Coughlin, has died following a freak accident when he fell out of a taxi on his way back from watching a game.
John Coughlin suffered a brain hemorrhage after falling from the cab and hitting his head outside his home in Hackensack New Jersey on Monday night. He was 63.

The entire Cornell lacrosse team was suspended due to allegations of hazing, and this leads to the guys talking about the crazy, dangerous stuff they've done.

Marshall Fine Film Reviews

"Enough Said" is James Gandolfini's final movie.  It stars Julia Louis Dreyfus as a masseuse who falls for him.  But her feelings start to change after she realizes he's the ex-husband of a new client who's constantly complaining about him.  Marshall really liked this romantic comedy... warm, smart, a little dark, and Gandofini is excellent in role that's different for him.

"Thanks for Sharing" is a romantic comedy stars Mark Ruffalo, Tim Robbins, and "Jobs" star Josh Gad as recovering SEX ADDICTS struggling in their relationships with Gwyneth Paltrow, Joely Richardson, and Pink.  Marsh also enjoyed this... giving it 3 stars.

"Prisoners"... Hugh Jackman takes the law into his own hands when two girls go missing, and the police can't find evidence against the main suspect.  Maria Bello plays his wife . . . Terrence Howard and Viola Davis are the parents of the other girl . . . and Jake Gyllenhaal is the detective investigating the disappearance.  This is getting raves in general, but Marsh didn't like it... too long.  2 stars.

and now for the answer to the bet... yay or nay for Dirty Dancing?  Marshall mistakenly gives it a positive review... not glowing, but good enough that Tools, Pauly, and Billy lose.  Boooooooo.  he did think the comparison to The Godfather was ridiculous, calling Godfather 1 and 2 the greatest movies ever made.

Speaking Of Dancing...

There was a time when John was single, but he was a great closer, like Mariano Rivera.  One of the keys is rhythm, and knowing how to dance when a girl wants to.

Whenever there's advice for guys on how to dance, the big takeaway is . . . have CONFIDENCE.  Which is stupid, because it's just LIP SERVICE that doesn't really mean anything.

Here are five REAL tips for guys on how to dance without looking like an idiot.  Listen up, white guys . . .

1.  Keep your chin and head up.  And make sure you at least LOOK like you're having a good time.


2.  Keep your elbows away from your body.


3.  Don't forget to move both the upper half of your body AND the lower half.  So don't just move your arms and stand still . . . or shuffle in place without moving your arms.


4.  Get in the middle of the dance floor, don't stand on the fringes.  People are actually MORE likely to notice your bad dancing when you're alone and awkward on the edge of the dance floor.


5.  Don't try anything so crazy that you look like you're out of control or uncoordinated.

John says to look for a guy on the dance floor that's dancing well, and mimic him.  Pauly heard Kobe Bryant give the advice to pretend you're dribbling a basketball slowly.  Here is Pauly doing some of his dance moves ...

Doug With News

- Stabbing Death On Berlin Street

- 13 Shot In Chicago Park

- Wegmans Recalls Mini Muffins

- Utility Bill Refunds On The Way

What Your Favorite Music Says About You

It’s one of the quintessential (and sometimes dreaded) first date questions: What kind of music are you into? There’s a reason that most people tend to side-step this question with a deft, “A little bit of everything.” It’s because your taste in music reveals a lot about you to potential partners.

Here’s the breakdown:

Bruce Springsteen: You’re a monster in the sack. (Billy says "Yeah!!!!")

David Bowie: You’re selective, but you'll pretty much do anything.

Kanye West: You’re kinda mean. In a hot way.

Jay Z: You don’t take any s***. Or at least you know that you’re not supposed to.

Beastie Boys: You believe that loyalty is rewarded.

The Arcade Fire: You spend the first third of relationship in a romantic frenzy and the last two trying to justify it.

The Ramones: Unless you’re over 40, you’re trying to be cool.

Led Zeppelin: If you’re a woman, you’re hot. If you’re a guy, you’re average.

AC/DC: If you’re a woman, you’re the kind of person who lets a guy move in with you after three dates because he’s temporarily homeless. If you’re a guy, you’re temporarily homeless.

The Pixies: Relax. You’re cool.

Talking Heads: You’re a good person.

Stevie Wonder: You’re husband/wife material.

Hall and Oates: You’re not the type to let your wistful nature ruin your good time.

LCD Soundsystem: You’re not the type to let your strong sense of irony ruin your good time.

Judas Priest: At some point in your life, you’ve sniffed a little glue.

Belle and Sebastian: If you hook up, it’s gonna get weird.

The Shins: You either really liked Garden State, or have a giant chip on your shoulder about how people only like The Shins because of Garden State.

R.E.M.: You’ve got a big heart.

Tori Amos: You cry during sex and get real quiet after.

That One Peter, Bjorn and John song with the whistling: You’re a human being.

The Mountain Goats: You’re very serious about your feelings.

Van Morrison: You’re a romantic. Possibly with a slight drinking problem. (Yup, that's Wease)

No Doubt: If you’re a girl, you’re a confident person, but you know what it’s like to get treated like crap. If you’re guy, you’re just trying to get laid.

Nirvana: You’re angry and hurt.

Radiohead: You’re angry and hurt. But you’re open to getting some professional help.

Bebel Gilberto: You’re going to flutter little kisses all over every inch of your date’s body and soon as you get the chance. Also: You’re a foodie.

T-Rex: You’re an a-hole.

Bob Dylan: You’re an a-hole, but you don’t know it.

The Strokes: You’re not really an a-hole, you just act like it sometimes.

The White Stripes: You’re kind of kinky.

Lil’ Kim: You’re really kinky.

Peaches: If you’re not getting a hj under the table right now, it’s because you’re giving one.

Ani Difranco: You’re a good communicator. Maybe too good.

John Mayer: You’re a virgin.

Nickelback: You have low self-esteem and bad tattoos. But, god bless you.

The Clash: You’re willing to work for it, but you’re kind of pissed that you have to.

The Cure: You fall in love WAY too easily.

Best Coast: You fall in love way too easily, but only for, like, a week.

The Rolling Stones: You’re hot.

Rihanna: You’re hot.

Beyonce: You’re sweet, but not a pushover.

Britney Spears: If you’re a gay guy or a woman, you’re normal. If you’re a straight guy, you’re trying to get laid.

Mandy Moore: You have American Girl dolls. Plural.

Guns 'N Roses: You’re going to have to sex in the bathroom and regret it.

Joan Jett: You’re going to have sex in the bathroom and not regret it.

Fleetwood Mac: You’re reasonably well adjusted. Considering.

Jewel: Um… are you sure this is a date?

Nicki Minaj: You’re awesome. And kind of crazy.

Lil’ Wayne: You’re crazy. And kind of awesome.

Regina Spektor: You might be a perfectly nice person, but you’re kind of annoying.

Panda Blood: You made that up to see if your date would pretend to have heard of them.

Kid Cudi: No one understands you. But it’s not that big a deal.

John Legend: You have emotional sex.

Eminem: You have emotional problems.

Drake: You’re about whatever.

Vampire Weekend: You’re about being about whatever.

Gogol Bordello: You sweat a lot and you have a nice smile.

Tool: You’re either really smart or really dumb.

Peter Gabriel: Every relationship is a coming-of-age epic of which you are the star.

Leonard Cohen: You’re the kind of person that people get obsessed with for years. Too bad you’re too depressed to appreciate it.

TV on the Radio: You care. Deeply. Even if you act like you don’t.

The Smiths: It’s doomed every time, but it always takes a beautiful, long while to figure that out.

Depeche Mode: You’re screwed up, but you know it, which actually does help.

Cut Copy: You make out in public a lot.

Joni Mitchell: You make breakfast in the morning.

Wilco: You’ll make an excellent life-partner.

The Beatles: Eh. Who knows.

--Written by Scott Alden for HowAboutWe

What Year Was It?

Our favorite multiple choice game to give away tickets to see comedian Marc Maron at the Eastman Theater tomorrow night as part of the Fringe Festival.  Maron is famous for his WTF Podcast, where he interviews famous people, getting the guests whole life story, including their big break.  John and Pauly tell us the story of how he got their first jobs in broadcasting, and Marianne's career in comedy got started.


Would you be willing to spend two months in bed for $10,000?  NASA's looking for volunteers who will lie in bed for 70 DAYS straight.  It's to test the long-term effects of being horizontal during space travel.  You can use the Internet, watch TV, play video games . . . you just can't stand up.  And the best part is, they'll pay you $5,000-a-month.

We're not sure this is feasible, or worth it... what is the hourly rate you'd be making?  Marianne talks about the time she was going to marry a lesbian illegal alien for 30 grand, but wound up not doing it, and Pauly talks about the sleep study he is doing tonight.

Things We All Do, But Don't Admit To

There's a lot of stuff that goes on when you're alone that you'd NEVER talk about.  And how do we know you do it?  Because everyone ELSE does it too.  I don't, of course.  But everyone else does.



There was a discussion online yesterday about the things we ALL do . . . but would never admit.  Here are the top 10 . . .


1.  Practicing conversations in your head in advance.


2.  Being a hypocritical driver.  Like, when someone else slows down because they're lost, you yell at them . . . but if YOU slow down because you're lost, you don't know why everyone yells at you.


3.  Picking your nose.


4.  Winning arguments in your head long after the argument ended.


5.  Caring way too much about what other people think about you.


6.  Getting into debates and arguments when you really don't have much knowledge on the subject.


7.  Admiring the size and volume of what you just left in the toilet.


8.  Picturing an entire relationship in your head when you first start dating someone.


9.  Occasionally having a racist thought, even though you KNOW you're not racist.


10.  Using the bathroom at home and not washing your hands.

With the weekend approaching Marianne is itching to get the party started, and the alcohol drinkers talk about their favorite alcoholic beverages.  Johhny is a beer guy, but Marianne and Pauly are flexible. and have many favorites.

Miley Madness and Pop Princesses

BILLY RAY CYRUS was on "Piers Morgan Tonight" last night talking about MILEY'S "VMA" performance.  He said, quote, "Miley harnessed into something very special.  She's just Miley.  She's an artist, she's real.  I think that's what's happened over the years, Miley has been reinventing her sound.  She's evolving as an artist herself . . . That's still my Miley."  Here's the video of Billy Ray making those comments and others.

Tools is anti-Miley, not liking her voice, presentation, or her overtrying.  He says he likes Taylor Swift and Katy Perry way better.   The hottest pop chicks though are probably Beyonce and Shakira.


We're joined by members of the dance troupe Bandaloop, headlining as part of the Fringe Festival.  This is a unique show where the performers do the shows on the sides of tall buildings, including the building I'm in right now.  Here is footage from their show here last year.

For more info on Bandaloop, and the Fringe Festival in general, go HERE