Lilac Festival: Fake Parent Escort Service Available


"Are you 16 years or younger and want to go to the Lilac Festival but don't have an adult guardian?

Are you a parent that does not want to go to the Lilac Festival but has a child that wants to go?

Look no further. I have your solution! Hire me as a stand-in!

As you may have heard, at this years Lilac Festival the organizers have issued a parental escort policy. This means anyone 16 years of age or under must be accompanied by a parent, legal guardian or responsible adult 21 or older to gain entrance. For the low price of $10 per hour you can hire me to be your guardian. 

Per the rules: "The escort may supervise up to five individuals and those persons must remain in close proximity to their escort at all times." This means that if you and four friends put in $2 each, you can get into the Lilac Festival and enjoy all of the Kettle Corn and Rusted Root your hearts can handle!


I am not a parent and have no formal training in child rearing but I am trained in CPR and First Aid and have many years of Lilac Festival experience. I promise to stand close by to ward off security but not close enough to harsh your vibes. But before you ask, no I will not buy you beer, but also, I ain't no snitch.


Deadbeat Dad Package - $10 Per Hour

Full Dad Package - $15 Per Hour [Send me a picture of your real dad and I will impersonate them to the best of my abilities with wigs, makeup, and prosthetic makeup]

Happy Family Package - $20 Per Hour [My actor friend Jeff and I will pretend to be your two gay fathers. This if for groups of between 10-20 people]

Only serious inquiries only please. Send me the dates and times you're interested in going to the Lilac Fest by email or responding to this ad. Thank you and happy Lilac Fest!"

Welp... if you need this service, CLICK HERE

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